do herpes really smell.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
