The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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