You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
