My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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