Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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