Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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