I just threw up on my dentist
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
