you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
