she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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