I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
