I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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