My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
