Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
