He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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