so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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