i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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