There was a lot of him and a little penis
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
