I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i love accidental penises.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
