kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
