turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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