I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I AM VODKA MAN
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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