...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
