whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
