The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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