You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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