So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
