So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
