SEEEEXXX PLEASE
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
