all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
