i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
