Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
