she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
