I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
