I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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