remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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