You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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