i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
