im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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