Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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