you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
