Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
