when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
