guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
