at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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