If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
