I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
