Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
