His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
