I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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