We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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