omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
