meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
