I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
